The fear.

i hate knowing what it feels like to have your heart savagely ripped out of your chest and stabbed repeatedly, destroyed beyond recognition, mutilated...i miss my innocence and wish that i had enjoyed it more.
i'm afraid of the night...i'm afraid of 9pm and 10pm and 11pm...and especially 2am...because that's when all the demons start coming out and i'm no match for them.

Why The Simpsons rule!!

Movies I need to see.

sadly, i've had no time to go to the theatre. the movies i want to see are not playing anywhere except for L.A., of course, and that makes it kind of impossible to see them, because of issues out of my control. :( well actually, there's one playing near me, but that's the one i could wait for.

1. Lola Montes: (Foreign) The film tells the tragical story of the life of Lola Montes who was a great adventurer and stopped being the attraction of her circus after having been the lover of various important men.

2. Happy-Go-Lucky: Poppy (Sally Hawkins) is a life-loving, irrepressibly cheerful, Pollyanna-type primary school teacher who is thirty years old, single, and infinitely optimistic and accepting. She lives with her best friend and flatmate Zoe (Alexis Zegerman) in London. She is tested by a repressed driving instructor with anger problems (Eddie Marsan), and tests him in turn. She has exciting flamenco lessons, an encounter with a homeless man, a row with her pregnant sister, and a love-affair with the social worker guiding one of her students.

3. Good Dick: A look at the relationship between a lonely introverted girl and a young video store clerk vying for her attention.

4. Rachel Getting Married: "Rachel Getting Married" is a contemporary "drama with an aggressive sense of humor" about the return of an estranged daughter to the family home for her sister's wedding. Kym's reemergence throws a wrench into the family dynamics, forcing long-simmering tensions to surface in ways both hilarious and heartbreaking. "Rachel Getting Married" paints a colorful, nuanced family portrait.

I want you.

soooo stole this idea from another blog i frequent, but oh wells, at least i'm giving credit, hehehehe!

Zach...i know you do McArdiente (even though you've only known me for two weeks)

still got nothing but love for you Paris...you inspire me!

question to ponder...why is ice-cream like a little piece of heaven?

"i want you,

just exactly like i used to,

and baby this is only bringing me dowwwwn...."

WTF.

i'm such a lunatic. i spend so much time worrying myself to ulcer degree...with the same questions every day:
'how will i, how much should i, how do i, how can i, what am i, what will happen if, what does that mean, what about if, where do i, where should i, when will i, when will...'
oh and my favorite one: I want. i want, i want, i want, i want, i'm so tired of wanting! and i need is very much confused with i want.
aaaarrrgggghhh. i mentally exhaust myself, and it's like i don't how to turn off my brain. i tell myself to breathe and relax and just take one day at a time, and then something will happen, and it starts all over again. i over-analyze, over-think, and over-feel. i wish i possessed a more care-free nature, an inner halcyon...*sigh*
blah-dee-blah-blah...(my perfect ending to my boringness)

Once there was a way, to get back homeward...

i ADORE the Beatles. 'love' is too weak a word to define how i feel about this band. (thanks Prince, lol.) today there's a one-night only screening of All Together Now, a documentary about Love, the Beatles-themed Cirque De Soleil show. the DVD comes out tomorrow, but unless one has a projector screen or a giant TV, it just won't be the same.

thanks Amie, for telling me about Abbey Road, the most perfect, beautiful, and sexiest album ever. i love singing "Carry That Weight" at the top of my lungs!

to see locations and showtimes, please click here: http://www.thebiggerpicture.us/together/index.html

Boy-you're gonna carry that weight,

carry that weight a long time.

I never give you my pillow,
I only send you my invitations,

And in the middle of the celebrations
I break down.

Death of an Olympus Camedia C-60 ZOOM.

last night at the party i was in the middle of a semi-heated philosophical discussion with my cousin when all of a sudden my camera freed itself from my hands and boom crash bip! fell to the ground. being on the drunk side, i didn't give it much thought, except for, "it can handle it." but i overestimated how strong my old camera is. the lens keeps struggling to make it's way back inside it's body, i can hear it whining every so often. it's dying, and i can't help but feel bad for it, because i was emotionally cheating on it this last week, since my mind has been fixated on obtaining the Sony Cyber Shot DSC T-700. now i just have to remember the good times we've shared...it's been a fine camera for the last 3 years. however, this couldn't have happened at a worse time, because i'm disgustingly poooor and a new camera is not necessarily what i need...although i do love taking pictures. how can i not want this camera, it's perfect for me!! it's freaking pink!

the screen is huge, i looove it!

Surfing (on a rocket)...

i have a huge crush on Devendra Banhart and find his hairy savageness sexy. i can't stop listening to Megapuss, his new band. it's full of hand-clapping and meditative doo-wop like sounds...it's fulfilling my listening needs this week.

Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae.

my horoscope said that i would be feeling romantic today...

Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae

Last night, ah yesternight, betwixt her lips and mine

There fell thy shadow, Cynara! thy breath was shed

Upon my soul between the kisses and the wine;

And I was desolate and sick of an old passion,

Yea, I was desolate and bowed my head:

I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.

All night long upon mine heart I felt her warm heart beat

Night-long within mine arms in love and sleep she lay;

Surely the kisses of her bought red mouth were sweet;

But I was desolate and sick of an old passion,

When I awoke and found the dawn was gray:

I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.

I have forgot much Cynara! gone with the wind,

Flung roses, roses riotously with the throng,

Dancing, to put thy pale, lost lilies out of mind;

But I was desolate and sick of an old passion,

Yea, all the time, because the dance was long:

I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.

I cried for madder music and for stronger wine,

But when the feast is finished and the lamps expire,

Then falls thy shadow, Cynara! the night is thine;

And I am desolate and sick of an old passion,

Yea, hungry for the lips of my desire:

I have been faithful to thee Cynara! in my fashion.

*Sigh* It's by Ernest Dowson. The title means: I am not what I was under the reign of the lovely Cynara.

Mi amor, Jon Hamm.

ahhh this man...he just makes me feel all tingly and stuff.

Phreshest shit.

so yesterday i had time to download a lot of new music and i listened to all these bands whilst cleaning my house and room.

-Deerhoof- Offend Maggie- just as weird as i thought, and only really enjoyed one song, "Chandelier Searchlight".

-El Guincho- Alegranza- very loud and would make anyone move, at least their heads.

-Marnie Stern- This Is It and I Am It and You Are It and So Is That and He- her voice wasn't as high-pitched as i thought, and every song kind of sounds the same to me.

i also got Gang Gang Dance and Mercury Rev, but i haven't had a chance to listen to them yet. i just can't stop listening to Brazilian Girls, they're so wonderful to my life right now.